Thursday, January 11, 2007

Where's the love?

So I am writing a sequel. I'm not sure if I mentioned that before, but I am. Not only do I have this great story idea that I just knew I was going to write about when I was submitting my first manuscript to agents, but well, now . . . I kind of have to write it.

The only publishing company who has only bought one book are the Germans.

I wonder what that means.


This is very new to me. Writing to a deadline. Well it is new and it isn't. When I was in university I had many a deadline to meet - and not just essay deadlines, I took a playwrighting course and had weekly assignments there too. But I am really used to writing my books (and yes I have attempted many- oh all those single spaced non-spell checked attempts hidden deep somewhere in my computer) just because I want to. Because I had a good idea that day. Because I'm bored. Never ever have I had to write a book because people have paid me money to do so.

So now I am writing away and all I can think of, "I can't wait until this is finished." Why? Why am I not enjoying the process as I always had in the past? Where, I ask you, is the love?

I am trying to forget I have a deadline and pretend like I am writing just for fun, not for anyone else. But it is hard. Very hard. And I can't really go back to that sweet innocence of before, no matter how good an actress I am. The pressure of living up to the expectations of my agent, my editors . . . no that's not fair, they have always been so confident in me. . . the pressure of living up to my expectations is huge. I just have to work through it I know, just bite the bullet, find some joy somewhere. My hope is that the further I get into the story the further away I'll get from these negative feelings. They say that you need to finish your first book so that most importantly you know you can write a book at all. That you are capable of writing that many words with a beginning, middle and end. Well I say I need to finish this second book, almost even more. Knowing I am capable of more than just one, knowing that I can write through the pressure - knowing that, well that will be a great accomplishment indeed.

And Mary mother of pearl! If I feel this much pressure, can you IMAGINE what poor JK Rowling must be going through right now?! Talk about having a brave year.

(PS: So far so good boys and girls, am sticking to my schedule, at least for today. Let's see if I can do it again tomorrow!)


Anonymous said...

I have never 'loved' to write and I always look forward to the end. I don't think that is odd at all.

fat larry

Rashenbo said...

Howdy! I saw your discussions on Absolute Write and thought I'd pop over and just say hi on your blog...

so... HI! :)

adrienne said...

Nice of you to drop by! Hi to you too!

M.A.L. (-ware) said...

I'm a runner as well as a writer, and I've always thought the disciplines were similar in many ways, most notably the fact that the best part of either activity is the end.

Anyway, Adrienne, I completely understand what you're going through. You're way, WAY ahead of the game compared to me -- you have a contract!!! -- but I can relate to the pressure of writing well. I've tried to tell myself that what's important is writing in my own voice, getting my message out in my own way, without thought to what others might think. But it's difficult to do that when you KNOW that your work will be read and judged eventually.

Sometimes, I think about the hundreds of thousands of books out there that are so atrociously written, yet they still found a publisher (The Celestine Prophecy comes to mind), and I feel a little better. There's hope for us yet!


ORION said...

This is exactly what I am going through - I have other manuscripts to edit but I guess it is the pressure for the first time.

adrienne said...

It's tough isn't it? But it is super nice to have such wonderful support, thank you. You guys make it easier.

SarahP said...

Hi Adrienne--thanks for the congrats note on the Verla Kay board. Weirdly, just the day before I'd tracked down your blog from another source (don't remember where). Congratulations yourself on your own deal! Pretty sweet.

And regarding second book deadlines: I feel your pain. Though mine isn't due for 13 months! Plenty of time to mess with it.