Where's the love?

So I am writing a sequel. I'm not sure if I mentioned that before, but I am. Not only do I have this great story idea that I just knew I was going to write about when I was submitting my first manuscript to agents, but well, now . . . I kind of have to write it.

The only publishing company who has only bought one book are the Germans.

I wonder what that means.

Anyway.

This is very new to me. Writing to a deadline. Well it is new and it isn't. When I was in university I had many a deadline to meet - and not just essay deadlines, I took a playwrighting course and had weekly assignments there too. But I am really used to writing my books (and yes I have attempted many- oh all those single spaced non-spell checked attempts hidden deep somewhere in my computer) just because I want to. Because I had a good idea that day. Because I'm bored. Never ever have I had to write a book because people have paid me money to do so.

So now I am writing away and all I can think of, "I can't wait until this is finished." Why? Why am I not enjoying the process as I always had in the past? Where, I ask you, is the love?

I am trying to forget I have a deadline and pretend like I am writing just for fun, not for anyone else. But it is hard. Very hard. And I can't really go back to that sweet innocence of before, no matter how good an actress I am. The pressure of living up to the expectations of my agent, my editors . . . no that's not fair, they have always been so confident in me. . . the pressure of living up to my expectations is huge. I just have to work through it I know, just bite the bullet, find some joy somewhere. My hope is that the further I get into the story the further away I'll get from these negative feelings. They say that you need to finish your first book so that most importantly you know you can write a book at all. That you are capable of writing that many words with a beginning, middle and end. Well I say I need to finish this second book, almost even more. Knowing I am capable of more than just one, knowing that I can write through the pressure - knowing that, well that will be a great accomplishment indeed.

And Mary mother of pearl! If I feel this much pressure, can you IMAGINE what poor JK Rowling must be going through right now?! Talk about having a brave year.





(PS: So far so good boys and girls, am sticking to my schedule, at least for today. Let's see if I can do it again tomorrow!)