Monday, January 05, 2009
Ah the new year is upon us. Time to make some more resolutions, time to wipe the slate clean, time to thank our lucky stars that 2008 is behind us (well at least I will, 2008 was a . . . difficult year for me).
Time for Adrienne to wax philosophical . . . ehem . . .:
I take singing lessons. I really enjoy my singing lessons, and my teacher is one of the best singing teachers I've ever had (and yes I have had plenty). My voice is, well, pretty darn awesome now thanks to him. But the reason I enjoy the singing lessons the most is that every time I am there I feel good about myself. What's more, if I am feeling less than stellar, my singing teacher likes to tell me to feel more confident, to trust my abilities, to be a diva (but a good diva, a fabulous diva, not a "I want only red M & Ms in my dressing room" diva).
And this is something I don't quite do as much as I should.
It isn't just my singing teacher who has pointed this out to me. I have also been told that I can come across as a little tentative at times in other parts of my life. Heck I have one friend who enjoys telling me, "Get confident, stupid!" (the joke being that telling someone they are stupid at the same time as they need to get confident is a bit not helpful . . . yeah, anyway, it's a silly joke . . .)
You might not be able to tell from my online persona that I have a slight lack of confidence now and then. I work very hard at being professional, and keeping my personal life out of my blog as much as possible (a personal choice), but the fact is, we're all human, we all have our own issues.
And it's time for me to start being confident.
Now I'm not talking about overconfidence. That isn't the same thing, it isn't even the same word. Nor am I talking about false confidence, or hubris, or any of that. I am talking about a confidence in the things I do well. A confidence in my abilities. Heck even a confidence in others.
I think often we are trained at an early age that to have pride in oneself is showing hubris. That we must, especially as women, be modest in our endeavors, not shine a light on ourselves. Now I should add onto this that that was in no way my upbringing, I had (and have) the most supportive parents in the world who loved to see me flourish. But I also lost all my friends in grade 8, with the leader of the pack claiming the reason for the ostricisation was because I bragged too much.
It was a hard lesson to learn, and has stuck with me since. How do you demonstrate confidence in your abilities without offending others? And you know what I've realised? As long as you aren't overestimating your talents, you can't worry too much what other people think in that regard. I have spent so much time concerned that others will think I am "bragging" that I have hurt myself on the other end of the spectrum by having people get frustrated at my lack of self confidence. I can't please everyone, and at the same time I am doing a great disservice to myself in not believing in all the work I do. I work hard. I do. I have grown so much as an actor and a writer, as a singer, as a person, and I should be proud of all that I have accomplished, and all that I can do.
And so should you.
Of course in our pride of ourselves we must also be proud of others. We must still support our friends, and give them their moment to shine. It isn't about us all the time after all. Having pride in yourself does not mean you negate the achievements of others. Have confidence and compassion. I think that is a marvelous combination.
So this year, I am going to be confident. I have no doubt I will have to fake it at first, but after a while it will become habit (I hope). I think too this is a good year for any of you guys who might be doubting yourselves, who might have had a lot of rejection lately from agents/publishers/casting directors, anyone, to just sit back and see how far you have come from whence you started. I have no doubt that you all have grown in some amazing way this past year, have done some amazing things. No matter how small they may appear at first.
Let 2009 be the year of being proud of ourselves!
Yup it's time for us all to get confident, stupid!