Bravery

As we approach the start of the new year, I would like to discuss bravery.

You see, I have never considered myself a brave person. Everything scares me (especially horror movies. Like really. I seriously cannot watch anything remotely horror like, not even horror parodies). And as the new year looms over me with more potential than probably any new year I have had looming before now. I'm frightened.

You see I am comfortable with feeling frustrated that things aren't going as well as I would like. And I am used to the fear of never living up to what I think I could be. But this whole new fear, the fear of losing something really great, dude so not comfortable with that one. I'm frightened of it all somehow vanishing. Of unforeseen bad things happening. Of failure after the promise of success.

And I think we all have some sort of similar feelings when facing a whole new year. We look at it and sigh. It all just seems so daunting, the whole year stretched out like that as a blank canvas. And then. Well then we do something really, I think, extraordinary with the thought of "What's going to happen this year", or all those nagging concerns of what we didn't accomplished this year and have yet to do.

We face them head on.

Instead of dwelling on them, we turn it around and make resolutions. It may be a cheesy tradition for some, but think about it for a second.

Personally, I think it is a mighty impressive thing, New Year's Eve. It makes us in our very cynical existence extremely brave. We choose, if only for this one night, to soldier on. For a brief moment we just face the void with our chins held high, we acknowledge the void's existence instead of ignoring it as we tend to the rest of the time. We examine our lives, and resolve to do better. For one night only. "Yes ladies and gents, for one night only! See the typically skeptical masses believe in something - hope."

And this is a pretty darn special thing.

So.

To everyone I wish you a very happy New Year's celebration, however relaxed or extravagant (my preference has always been to rent movies and hang out with my friends).

Then I will wish you a very happy year.

And if not a happy year, well then, keep up the standard you have set for yourself tonight, and make it, at least, a brave one.

The last to know

So I have been waiting to announce my American book deal until my agent told me it was safe to do so. La la la, waiting waiting. Hmm . . . maybe I'll google my name, as one does, to pass the time.

It seems, my friends, I've missed my chance to give you guys the scoop as, well, I'm everywhere. Okay so I'm not going to be replacing news on Brangelina any time soon, but it is rather shocking I don't mind saying, when suddenly you find your name circulating all over the internet.

So let me be the last to let you know that I, Adrienne Kress, have indeed signed a deal with The Weinstein Company to publish my book (and sequel). If the name sounds slightly familiar, it's because they are the same Weinsteins who used to run Miramax. They left, and have since just started this new company, which of course involves films as well (that Dixie Chicks documentary - Shut up and Sing, is one of theirs, it's really good). I will be published in their first list with around a dozen other titles. And it's all rather exciting.

I am thoroughly enjoying my fifteen minutes of fame, I don't mind telling you. Even better is that I am written about in websites that I visit with some frequency, being a film buff. My favourite is Empire Online. I am a huge fan of their magazine, when I was living in England I would buy it monthly, and they update their site daily with film news. So check out what they have to say about ME (the link function for some reason, and only for this one, isn't working so cut and paste it into your broswer): www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=20124

Yes it is slightly cynical, but I really don't mind. One of my favourite things about Empire is how much personality they put into their articles, so it makes me feel super special that they have an opinion about me at all. Besides, they have given me an excellent idea for one of my novels, something really gory involving puppies and tea. That was intended to be a joke just now, but suddenly I am thinking I might actually do it!

However my favourite article online, the one that is the most accurate about me and the book is this one: http://news.awn.com/index.php?ltype=top&newsitem_no=18661

That brings me to another topic. How weird is it that already there is misinformation floating about there about me! I think it is so cool. It's like I'm a real celebrity. I mean not that there is anything really untrue about me, just tiny little things that only I would care about and as such I don't feel like I need to point them out here.

So there you go. That's the news. Google my name "Adrienne Kress" if you care to see some of the articles. You'll basically find yourself reading the same three paragraphs over and over, and I guess if you aren't me, you won't find it that exciting. But if you are at work for example, and really bored, why not!

Insane. This is all so insane!!

Done . . . for now . . .

Okay. So I finished my edits. And I submitted my edits.

Now I wait.

What do I wait for? I'm . . . not . . . sure.

That's the thing about 'baby's first book'. I have no idea what comes next. Okay, I have certain expectations. I know that eventually a copy editor will get involved. I'll be sent galley proofs, and a cover should come up, and sometime I'm guessing I'll write my thanks yous. But I don't know when. I don't know how. I don't know if I will be editing my book all over again like I just did because it isn't up to scratch. I have been given little to no timeline except to expect my book to be released in the fall of 2007.

It's kind of exciting really, a bit of a mystery. And even though there has been a lot of stress and everything, I am trying to relish this feeling as much as possible. Because you can't do 'baby's first book' twice. And right now, the anticipation, the question "how is that bit done", all of it, makes the journey itself just as much fun as I expect seeing the finished product will be.

So, now I wait for the next step.

I wonder what it will be?

My path to the Daily Show

Some of you may recall an earlier post of mine that concluded that the reason I wrote this blog was because Jon Stewart was cute. There was a logical reason for this which had to do with the fact that I expected to become hugely famous for this blog and hence interviewed on the Daily Show.

I now have Part 2 of my plan.

I am going to become a very famous children's book author and for some reason, Mr. Stewart will find this impressive and invite me on his show.

Now this is not going to be easy. For one thing it depends a lot on luck. And for another I am slowly learning that in order to be famous, the best and easiest way to become so is to already be famous.

Case in point.

I was sent a questionnaire by the publicity department of my publishers. This was a lot of fun to fill out and served as an excellent procrastination tool from doing my edits. And because I am Canadian I think I offered quite a few excellent suggestions by way of media outlets and contests they might not have otherwise have thought of. But the one section that I just could not fill in was the one where they asked if I had any personal connections with anyone of any standing in the industry, you know, cause it would be really useful if like Oprah was my cousin or something. But she isn't. And I don't think meeting Guy Gavriel Kay once really counts as a connection either. And then I thought about how wonderful it would be to have such connections. And in my head I saw all these doors flying open and it was beautiful. And then I was sad.

(However on the plus side as I am also an actor I have some wonderful headshots that many authors do not normally have at their disposal.)

So that's my point. Fame is a vast mountain I must climb alone (yes that's my point, and don't tell me it isn't because it is! All this time I have been thinking to myself that fame is a vast mountain which I must climb alone okay?!) I will pursue the glory that is the Daily Show, but it will be a struggle. An uphill battle filled with many pitfalls and setbacks, scars and wounds, cold winds and billy goats. But it will be all worth it I know.

Because Jon Stewart's cute.

Decisions

I am not a good decision maker. I have to make them, and do make them, but it takes me forever and I always worry I've made the wrong choice. This, I suppose, is pretty standard.

So this brings me to editing, which is what I have been doing for several weeks now, and why I've been remiss in posting. I've always edited things. I was in university for 4 years, had my parents go over every essay I ever wrote, and had to edit non-stop. I am quite familiar with the process. Or at least I thought I was. But man, I forgot that the one major difference (and this applies specifically to me, I know it is not across the board), is that I never cared what changes were suggested for my essays. I just wanted to get them over with. But my book, my lovely little book, well I care. I care deeply. And so every time I come across a note or edit in my manuscript from my darling editor, my chest contracts and I have to sit there and make a very difficult decision. Am I being precious? Is she right, should this just go? Or am I going to put my foot down, and not do what she is suggesting? The latter decision of course results in guilt and fear that, I, being extremely new to this business, am making a terrible mistake. So every couple of minutes I am faced with this dilemma. It's draining. Very very draining.

Most of the edits I've done, though painful at the time, have been easily forgotten about since. But I do have some regrets as well. And now as I approach the finish line of my editing, I am worried I should go back and change certain things again. So yet another decision to make.

And the conclusion of all this is. . .

Being a writer is stressful. This may seem like an obvious discovery, but it is a new one for me. I want to just relax, but I know even after this edit is done, that probably won't be the end of it. Not only that, but when I think of the finish line (Fall 2007 sometime), I also realize that by the time it rolls around I will have written another book (due in June to my editor), and probably be in the thick of editing that one at the time.

Whew.

I know, I know, there are worse jobs, and worse problems. And worse decisions. I'm really okay with it, really. Just wanted to point out that even though it seems like a pretty sweet deal, sitting at home, creating your own work schedule, it's still kinda tough. Perhaps you already knew this, but man, major surprise here for me!